Horoscope for February

Virgo:

You’re the Zodiacs’ helper and everyone knows it, but be warned, this Tuesday may be a day when you need to direct that helpful nature to yourself. Make your life easier this week and feel great about it! 

This week you may also discover a new hidden talent since the moon is in a private sector. Perhaps your voice may begin to sound uncannily like Snow White’s or maybe you will be able to squeeze your yeti feet into any pair of shoes you may come across. 

This week also brings the dreaded retrograde of Mercury. Mercury affects you more than others because it is your ruling planet. You might start to feel more anxious or stressed than usual. You can cure this with various healing stones (This author would list them if she could be bothered to research birthstones…). Because of this truly treacherous event, you may be less organised and find delays in your motivation. Remember to save all your work or risk failing the IB, since Aquarius has reversed into Mercury which apparently means bad things. 

Your standout days this month shall be the 4th, the 8th and the 14th. Unspecified good things could happen so look out for literally anything positive like laughter, or your friends not ignoring you when you try to say something. The days you might need to watch out for this month are the 9th, the 23rd and the 26th. This author is not trying to insinuate that you will lose a limb or perhaps more, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to.

Make sure to check your life path to know if you should risk asking your teacher for an extension or whether that would result in loss of life. Your life; for clarification. You should take a calming crystal everywhere with you, or else you may find yourself crying over spilt milk because you were too worried about your life affairs and weren’t relaxed enough. This author swears this isn’t a threat.

Aries:

Your ruling planet; Mars, is beginning to power down as this new year continues. You have been battling with what we can only assume was hulk-like strength for this past month and now you are rid of it. This author believes congratulations are in order.

To immediately dampen what may have been a pleasant surprise, this author bears the news that Mars has moved to its second house of finances. To reiterate, you will spend a lot. Beware of online shopping and broken mirrors for this time. Venus enters your eleventh house which means you may feel more socially inclined and perhaps less barbaric towards your friends and family. That is this author’s hope in any case. The waning moon appears in another of your houses- and this author might add, it is remarkable how wealthy all of you are to have so many houses. Anyway, this opens up professional opportunities. For high school students, this statement has absolutely no worth, but if there are any adults whatsoever reading this, then you may want to stop reading and start living your life.

Towards the end of the month, the full moon enters your house of fertility. Again, this author hopes no students will have any need of this article and apologises to any adults who may or may not be reading. 

Your standout days this month are the 4th, the 13th, and the 23rd. You have that in common with Taurus so perhaps the 4th may bring about something special for the both of you. Your challenging days are the 12th, the 14th and the 26th, which again is similar to Taurus. Though this author wishes it was a sign, it is but a mere coincidence because there aren’t enough days in a month for all 12 signs. This author firmly suggests that you get enough sleep lest an Aquarius approach you and you become so annoyed that you set fire to the teacher’s lounge.

Libra:

You aren’t a sign that this author would call “traditional”. This first week brings tidings of tension when it comes to ownership. This author asks you to remember that sharing is caring and it allows you to keep friends.

When the full moon is in Leo, you will be feeling energized. Let us hope you happen to have PHE on that day. 

Mercury will retrograde in Aquarius and though this author understands you are a Libra, she insists that this will still affect you. Lucky you, because some major tension is about to occur in your social circle. This author, having a wild imagination, can’t wait to see what goes down. She does however, beg you to be less impulsive lest you be the cause of the tension. 

This month, as we’ve established, may be overwhelming for Libra, but it gets worse, believe it or not. Your fear of prohibition may lead to emotional conflict. This author asks you not to act in any way like Anne Boleyn and lose your head.

When Leo is in the full moon, it may be a great time to connect or perhaps reconnect with old friends. And you may also be dreaming about something. This would be a great time to go for it. That ice cream cake could be yours, that voucher for Burger King could be stuck in a drain merely two streets away. 

As nice as all that sounded, no horoscope can be completely kind. The next few weeks will be messed up for you as that darn planet Mercury goes into retrograde. You’ll find it hard in art class because this will completely ruin your ability to express yourself by creative means.

On a wildly different note, now may be a great time to update your passwords.

February is a month riddled with delays in tax returns and frustrating legal matters. So don’t sue anyone, this author supposes.

And since this author is also running out of ideas, you may meet a tall dark stranger. This may occur on one of your standout days like the 9th, the 11th or the 28th. And your challenging days may be so because you won’t meet that stranger. These days are the 4th, the 20 and the 26th. And no, the date the 26th is not a sign that you should not leave your house and become a hermit. It’s just a coincidence! You should however, beware your collection of birthstones if you bought any of them in France.

Taurus:

PREPARE for a surge of energy because Mars; the mightiest of planets and one that has been mentioned far too many times in this issue, is leading you. This fuel will help you do things. Things this author cannot think of in her miniscule brain but surely you lot reading must be able to think of. For the 2 adults reading this, this month is a good time in your career. Whether that is a promotion at Mcdonalds or you finally having enough money to move out of your parent’s house, this author neither knows, nor cares. As has been mentioned many times, this is Aquarius season. You, as a Taurus, may be tempted to go off the beaten path in terms of your (nonexistent) career. While it is tempting to go rogue, don’t. It’s a bad idea, especially where you’re concerned. As Leo has already been brought up, this author won’t grace you with another mention of it past saying spend time with the people who tolerate you. It may bring about a new feeling of gratitude for the things you have. Or perhaps not. The standout days this month for Taurus are the 9th, the 11th and the 20th. These days will be good if you choose to note every time you smile or get enough sleep and relate it back to this author being right about you. The days you should note when you get 3 chicken nuggets instead of four and decide to cry alone in your room about it for six hours are the 8th, the 12th and the 30th. Make sure to double check your emails. If you don’t, your Leo friends will haunt you in your dreams.

Graphics by Carmen Tan