I’m Not The Only One

Leonardo Morosini, Former Editor

This article was published as part of the April 2018 issue. Are the topics discussed in this article still relevant today?

He is so hot, but probably gay; He is gay, so I need his shopping advice; I need him to make me happy because I just broke up with my boyfriend and I think I have ‘depression’. 

These are things that I have heard people say about gay people since forever. At a first glance, these claims seem positive as they state that gay men are all attractive, know how to dress properly, and are great listeners. But honestly if those claims were all true, life would be quite easy and I would not be writing this article. 

In a way these words were the finish line. I thought that in a way this would be the prize for coming out and that life would be easier. 

However, those same stereotypes are the ones which define you and, therefore, limit you. Because, you are not a ten out of ten, your style is average and you don’t always have the time to listen to your friends’ (who consider you their gay best friend, not their actual best friend) breakup, crush or ‘serious’ problems at home.

Of course, the gays need to look perfect, they need to be social, they need to have perfectly fitting clothes, and be great listeners; or else they’re fake imposter gays. 

Yes, those fake imposter gays exist; according to one friend’s parent, I’m not feminine enough to be gay. So I guess that I’m probably just lying to her so I can get closer to her so we can be together (duh, that’s the best way to attract women).

While on the topic of parents, another parent has also casually asked me what my sexual orientation was, before ever asking me where I lived, where I come from and how I became friends with their daughter…

Yes, you heard me. Someone coming from a high socioeconomic status has said and asked me that, in Switzerland, which is supposedly the country with the best living conditions in the world… 

Therefore, what most “gays” do is not only aim to be good like everyone else, but perfect by trying to be the ideal friend, family member, acquaintance and colleague to compensate for the fact that they are gay. Only to be left out by their colleagues, family and even friends for being “less” than everybody else; included when no one else is available, of course. 

Despite tremendous advances in gay rights and human rights as a whole,for many people, whether it be a conscious or unconscious thing, gay men are tokens, not humans. They are your cute maltese or pomeranian, that teenage girls desire, want to, or even feel like they need to possess, only to grow tired of walking them everyday, and therefore discard. 

When people first find out that you are gay, you immediately get friends: people who support you and tell you that they will help you. Only to then be discarded when something better comes up, something more interesting. Your friends are not there for you, they are there only to be able to say they have a gay best friend. 

Also, whenever your friend has an issue, like not being included in a party, it seems like it’s the end of the world; your friend might as well end her life now, here, in front of you. Therefore, you decide to help her, think of the many times when you were not included in something, think of the hard times that you have gone through to try and make her feel better. 

After some months go by, something happens which makes you start to feel sad, so you talk about it to your “friends”, tell them how you are not okay, etc… However, this time you are met with a “don’t worry, everything is going to be fine” only to then be faced to a quick change in topic to talk about something obviously more important like judging another classmate’s haircut, or discussing which is a better investment: Hublot or Rolex?

Whenever you go out, you always go to straight bars and clubs. Which, yes, is normal as the majority of your friends are straight. The thing though, is that there is no compromise, there is no “we go to a gay club once every two months” . And, when confronted, your friends always say “next time” or tell you that you can meet gay people in a straight club, even though you have higher chances getting beaten up for being gay than finding another gay person. But you can’t really blame them, now can you? As it’s easy for them to say this as after midnight, all your friends are hooking up with someone, apart from you, because you are gay. So you just leave the club without saying goodbye and without receiving a single “are you okay?”